Cutty Mink
Just a weeb.
- Gender
- Male
- Guildcard
- 42025271
This is a diary entry/ramble about what PSO means to me. Contains personal details and such. Just a warning for those who aren't interested!
After returning to Ephinea for a few weeks, I am shocked by how much happier and optimistic I have been. Beyond the reign of covid and various world events, life has been awful in myriad ways. Back in 2020, my wife was struck by an illness that remained a mystery for over three months. She became unable to digest food to the point where she would throw up food she swallowed 2-3 days ago and even water.
We took her to doctors and specialists-- anyone we could for a diagnosis. We were constantly told to go elsewhere, given medicine that didn't work, etc... To make it worse, we had a two-week period where we were convinced she had some type of cancer but still had to await testing and results. After three months of appointments, my wife being in pure agony every day, and I being unable to eat more than 500 calories a day due to depression, we finally find out she has "gastroparesis", AKA, a paralyzed stomach. My wife had to quit her full-time job due to this, which severely harmed our finances.
From there, it took a solid year to get any semblance of a grip on her condition. Months and months of crying, vomiting, depression, and despair. I lost weight as I had wanted for years, but only due to the constant state of depression I lived in, which killed my appetite.
We finally found medicine that helped and made lifestyle changes that helped. Gradually, my wife has recovered to a state in which she can eat more like a normal human and have many more days where she's not in pure pain. Through this, neither of us has been the same. We both developed PTSD and have been trying to repair our lives. We both see therapists; I got a better-paying job, etc.
I haven't felt right since this happened; always anxious, depressed, and somewhat empty. On a whim, I downloaded PSO again to play on Ephinea once more. I don't know what happened, but I suddenly felt kind of whole again. The sense of community, the fun of the actual gameplay, meeting new people, seeing old faces, etc... All of it has given me a lot of genuine smiles. Joining in the hunt of the event, grinding out HBR, hunting for ubers I'll never get-- all of it. I have always returned to PSO at various points in my life since playing V1 on Dreamcast as an eight or nine-year-old. Somehow, it sucks me back in and brings me this bizarre happiness that other video games and communities can't bring.
Even when it frustrates me, it's still making me happy. Bad RNG and all, I am happy to accept PSO. Thanks to Ephinea, I'm working out more and am even feeling more productive at work. I can return this positive energy to my wife, who has also been finding more and more happiness in life.
Thank you to Sodaboy and the rest of the staff that makes this server what it is. Take care, and happy hunting!
After returning to Ephinea for a few weeks, I am shocked by how much happier and optimistic I have been. Beyond the reign of covid and various world events, life has been awful in myriad ways. Back in 2020, my wife was struck by an illness that remained a mystery for over three months. She became unable to digest food to the point where she would throw up food she swallowed 2-3 days ago and even water.
We took her to doctors and specialists-- anyone we could for a diagnosis. We were constantly told to go elsewhere, given medicine that didn't work, etc... To make it worse, we had a two-week period where we were convinced she had some type of cancer but still had to await testing and results. After three months of appointments, my wife being in pure agony every day, and I being unable to eat more than 500 calories a day due to depression, we finally find out she has "gastroparesis", AKA, a paralyzed stomach. My wife had to quit her full-time job due to this, which severely harmed our finances.
From there, it took a solid year to get any semblance of a grip on her condition. Months and months of crying, vomiting, depression, and despair. I lost weight as I had wanted for years, but only due to the constant state of depression I lived in, which killed my appetite.
We finally found medicine that helped and made lifestyle changes that helped. Gradually, my wife has recovered to a state in which she can eat more like a normal human and have many more days where she's not in pure pain. Through this, neither of us has been the same. We both developed PTSD and have been trying to repair our lives. We both see therapists; I got a better-paying job, etc.
I haven't felt right since this happened; always anxious, depressed, and somewhat empty. On a whim, I downloaded PSO again to play on Ephinea once more. I don't know what happened, but I suddenly felt kind of whole again. The sense of community, the fun of the actual gameplay, meeting new people, seeing old faces, etc... All of it has given me a lot of genuine smiles. Joining in the hunt of the event, grinding out HBR, hunting for ubers I'll never get-- all of it. I have always returned to PSO at various points in my life since playing V1 on Dreamcast as an eight or nine-year-old. Somehow, it sucks me back in and brings me this bizarre happiness that other video games and communities can't bring.
Even when it frustrates me, it's still making me happy. Bad RNG and all, I am happy to accept PSO. Thanks to Ephinea, I'm working out more and am even feeling more productive at work. I can return this positive energy to my wife, who has also been finding more and more happiness in life.
Thank you to Sodaboy and the rest of the staff that makes this server what it is. Take care, and happy hunting!
